Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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