i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
