Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
