just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
