he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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