No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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