Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
