Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
