I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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