hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
