Umm I'm too high to move.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
