I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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