all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
