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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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