i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
