yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
