clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
