Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
