I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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