I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
