You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
