I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
