I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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