she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
