I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm really busy with my period
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