On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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