I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
