Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I want her autograph on my taint
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
