He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
