bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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