Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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