Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
