it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
