wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
