sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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