I got chris browned last night
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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