Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
