One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Drunk is not a location!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
