So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
