Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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