I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
