I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
