Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
