I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
