I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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