I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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