Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
