He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
