So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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