i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
