i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You left your phone here
Wait...
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