I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
