That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
