I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize