So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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