we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
