my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
